Has it been that long…

Two months….yep!  It’s been two months since I last posted a blog.  Not that I haven’t thought about posting…I think about that almost every day.  I’ll be honest ~ I’ve been in this weird haze.  But I’m coming out of it.

There’s nothing I can really put my finger on, but it started when I caught this nasty cold bug that has been flying around.  It started with feeling nauseous (and yes…I had those freak out thoughts of “What if I’m pregnant?  I’m too old for this!  I have 2 adult children and a 3rd about to join those ranks!) but then it moved to body aches, fever, sore throat, and a cough that ended up lasting for 5 weeks!  UGH!  It was awful!!  I was sick enough to have to cancel a bunch of stuff and stay home, but not sick enough to be in bed 24/7.  Sick enough that I didn’t want to do anything, but not sick enough for my sweet people to realize I didn’t want to do anything for them either.  I mean, what’s a few gunky coughs to them while I made them dinner?  {Don’t worry…they pitched in!}

So with all this down-time I was having, you’d think I would’ve soaked in these moments to sit and read and blog.  Clearly…I did not.  I did spend time in reading and some bible study, made time to post on social media verses that had impacted me ~ but I didn’t feel I could come up with anything to write.

I was feeling stuck and I couldn’t figure it out.

I finally realized, that was the problem.

I was trying to figure it out on my own…I wasn’t going to the Lord with my concerns and fears.

Even through the encouragement of friends and family, I was still feeling like I had nothing to put out into the world.  Yet, I know God was speaking to me.  I have 10 blog drafts, and a “Notes App” filled to the brim with beautiful ideas and truths that I know God has revealed to me.

But I’ve found a billion distractions that have not allowed me to sit down and write!  And some of those were “good distractions.”  Lunch with friends, coffee dates (that sometimes turn into lunches!), phone calls, reading a new book…

And then of course, there are the not so good ones….getting lost in the mire of scrolling through social media.  And TV.  Yep….especially now when we have recently changed our cable so we have three months of free HBO.  Why do I feel so beholden to keeping these darn channels that just suck the life out of my day! {after I post this…I’m calling to cancel them now!}

I know that I’m not alone out there in feeling this way.  That kind of “blah” feeling that you just can’t put your finger on and it’s driving me nuts!  That feeling like you have a cloud floating around in your brain.  UGH!

Here’s the great news!

God never left me during all this time.  I never felt alone.  I didn’t feel abandoned.  I knew that I wasn’t completely directionless.

I just needed to “be” ~ to sit with Him. To soak in the glory of Who my God is. To sing praise songs, but more than that, to let worship music sink into my soul. To read and pray. To be quiet.

While I sit here writing, I can see the beautiful mountains with some low clouds hovering around the top but the sun is shining through.  It’s a beautiful picture of how I’m feeling.  I can’t see the top of the mountain but the sun is shining down on my path.  The low clouds bring refreshment and shade.  If I was to go up and hike that mountain, I would have to trust that the top is still there even though I can’t see it!  That is my life right now ~ and it’s okay!

There are so many things that I can’t see the “top” of, but it’s exactly where God has me and where He wants me.

Our youngest is less than two months away from high school graduation, our middle daughter lives across the ocean as a missionary, our oldest daughter is getting married in the Fall, my husband has several new possible job opportunities and we don’t know where they will lead…or if they will disappear.  I have so much going on in my heart and soul of how I want to serve the Lord, but I feel like that misty mountain that I see out the window.

I feel strong enough and stable enough to handle what God is asking me to do…but I have to trust Him to see what it all looks like!  Speaking to the people in my life, to women’s groups, writing this blog, social media posts, and all that goes with it. It’s all about prioritizing and asking the Lord every day, in every moment, to direct my path so that I can see His direction for my life ~ clouds or not!

My hope in all of this is that I can encourage you to not give in to the unknown.  Keep moving forward even when you feel like you aren’t moving.  Continue to trust the Lord that He has been and will still be leading you on.

Sitting still and being quiet with the Lord is totally different than being stagnant.  Be quiet enough each day to be able to hear from the Lord.  Cutting out the extra noise, whatever that looks like, is key!

It’s been a long two months of not writing, but I’m back and I’m excited to see what the Lord has for me to share with YOU!

Blessings,

René