My weakness doesn’t faze Jesus.
I actually started this blog back in August and I got as far as that first sentence. It’s not a topic I really want to write about and I definitely didn’t want to come across as whiny. But here we are.
This past weekend, I had to walk through a situation that was super uncomfortable. Mostly because I made it that way. Whenever I get a text or note from someone that says, “Hey, I need to talk to you about something. Call me soon.”, I immediately go to worst case scenario.
I immediately start replaying the last few times that I interacted with that person and start picking apart every conversation ~ what did I do wrong? was it my tone? was I too honest? was I being nosy? did I say something inappropriate? did I hurt their feelings?
Seriously ~ this is where my head goes! E V E R Y T I M E!!!!
I’ll tell you that part of the reason is because there was a time in my life where I was constantly being challenged by the people in my life. It became instinct to wonder “What did I do wrong now?” And not because I was actually behaving poorly, I was in a bad space where I was overly vulnerable, shared probably too much, but definitely gave off the vibe that I was a mess and clearly needed help. It took me years to be able to realize in most of these conversations, people were telling me about themselves and not about me.
But I still fall victim to that rabbit hole of doubt.
My sweet husband has seen me go through sleepless nights, puffy eyes from crying way too much, negative self-talk, and just plain old pouting. He gives me so much grace, but he doesn’t let me stay down in that doubtful place. His encouragement to see the reality of a situation is more helpful than he probably knows, because I’m not always super gracious or even readily accepting of his encouragement. He has an incredible way of redirecting my focus to what God says about the situation, the person telling me things, and about me. How does God really see me?
More often than not, and faster than in the past, I can step back and look at the situation and declare that I didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not a bad person. If I made a mistake, I can apologize for it. If something was misinterpreted, I can do my best to realign my comments to be more understandable.
And above all else, something that my husband is a master of, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. To receive their conversation in such a way that I choose to believe what they are saying; to believe they are telling the truth.
This is yet another of my weaknesses that I must deal with. And I know where the root lies.
I was lied to and fooled by so many people in my past, it twisted my thought process to believe that no one really told the truth all the time. I allowed the enemy, the king of lies, to warp my thinking that I couldn’t totally trust people.
Once again, here comes the Lord with the blessing of my husband ~ literally the most truthful person I have ever met. In our 31 years together (2 years dating and 29 years married) I can tell you that he has never lied to me. NEVER. I am beyond humbled by the fact that the one thing the enemy tried to steal from me forever, was supplanted by the blessing of the most important person on this planet to me, and he has never lied to me. What a healing this has been to my heart all these years.
So back to this weekend…and my impetus to go back to this idea of weakness being a gift.
I got one of those “Can you call me.” texts and although the phone call didn’t happen and text exchange did. I had to choose to trust the Lord that what was conveyed in that message was the truth. I had to choose to combat the distractions and lies of the enemy that there was “more to it” and that the compliments given were not real. I hated it! I hated feeling like I did something wrong. I hated the feeling that I’d disappointed someone.
But as my husband pointed out, none of that language was in the message ~ it was all in my head! I was allowing the enemy to throw those fiery darts of doubt and they burned. I had to allow the tears to come to wash away those flames and trust the God was in the midst of it all. I had to choose to let Jesus be the truth that I rested in. I had to choose to believe that I had not done anything wrong, it was just a change in schedule and led of commitment that led to a relationship change.
Deep down inside I knew why the attack on my soul was happening.
I’m days away from launching a new ministry which focuses on mentoring young women, college age till about 30. I knew the devil would whisper to me one day, “Who do you think you are to tackle this? What makes you think that you can do this? Who says that you can start a new ministry? How do you know people even want this?”
It’s nauseating to think I allowed those thoughts to permeate my brain for even a few moments.
But in my weakness, in my sadness, in my disappointment, I had to choose WHO to listen to. I had to make a concerted effort to believe that I knew the answer to all those slimy lies the enemy was trying to make me believe.
God gave me a heart to minister to young women.
God gave me the desire to mentor young women and young moms.
God gave me the ideas for this new ministry.
God gives me continual direction as to the next right step to take.
In my weakness there is God….and He is enough!
Today, I felt led to attend a worship service at One Voice Student Missions (y’all gotta check them out if you’re in the Pasadena area – https://ovsm.com/) and the leader, Brian Barcelona**, brought a beautiful message. And right there, the theme of the morning hit me like a ton of bricks.
W E A K N E S S
Man oh man…I knew exactly why the Lord prompted my heart to be there this morning! Brian shared so many truths & great reminders and I want to pass them on to you today:
- Jesus saved us in our weakness – NOT in our strengths.
- Weakness leads us to Jesus; weakness is not something to be feared.
- Our woundedness and our weakness should draw us to the Cross.
- The Bible isn’t pretty Instagram posts; it displays weakness and honors God’s healing through it.
- The frailty of my life becomes a container to hold God’s power.
- My perceived strength is preventing God to work in through me.
- God pours His anointing into empty vessels (aka – don’t be full of myself!)
- It’s not what we have, it’s WHO we have!
These are just a few of the key things Brian shared this morning and it was all so good! Here’s two passages he used in his teaching too that I would highly encourage you to take a look at and truly ponder God’s heart in these verses (I like the Amplified version):
- 2 Corinthians 12:9 (boast in our weakness)
- 2 Kings 4:1-7 (when we think we have nothing; the Lord will fill us up)
Let me say once again what I began this blog with…
My weakness doesn’t faze Jesus.
Not in the least bit. Ever.
In my weakness is where the Lord can do His best work in my life because I’m at a place where I can truly hear His voice over mine.
Let me encourage you to not run away from the weak places in your life ~ use them as jumping off points to take that leap of faith into the arms of Jesus.
He will never let you fall.
His strength will always be enough for you!
He will never let you down.
He will always be your Champion and your Victor!
He will never lie to you.
He is forever trustworthy and He will always lead you to the truth!
** Brian Barcelona – One Voice Student Ministries, Pastor; November 4, 2019 message (https://ovsm.com/)