This past weekend, we celebrated Father’s Day. One of the songs we sang was “Good Good Father” and man….it gets me every time! I have a good good Father and He loves me so much! The service also made me think about the father’s that are in my life, and how I believe that the Lord ~ my Heavenly Father ~ has used all of them to shape my own life and about the life that God has for me.
The catch is, I’m not going to tell you how these fathers are related to me until the end of this blog, so you’ve gotta dive in and come along this journey with me.
The first man is someone of whom I know very little of. I’ve only met him in person once, chatted on the phone a few times, received a few letters from, and have sent Christmas cards to him for over a decade. His life is different now, but the stories of an earlier time in life are not what I would call a “good father.” He had addictions to drugs and alcohol, physically harmed his wife, and emotionally harmed his children. At one of the births, he was so drunk that the flowers he brought into his wife’s hospital room had been plucked fresh from the gardens outside the hospital…with roots and dirt still attached. I know this man feels remorse, and has said as such, about his “life before being sober,” but it has still held him back from having a healthy relationship with his children.
The second man is the picture of a husband and father deeply devoted to his family. Even to children not borne of him, he warmly welcomed them into his family and called them his own. There is always a funny joke (okay…corny is more the word for it), a smile and a hug upon entering his home, sweet notes of encouragement for no reason at all, and all of this is done with such a generous spirit. He truly serves his family with love and grace.
The third man is someone that I would not want to meet in a dark alley. He is gruff and selfish. He is frightening and commanding. He is cunning and sharp. He is full of smiles and pats on the back. He appears generous but there are always strings attached. He is two-sided ~ depending on which side you are on, determines how you are treated. Nothing was ever good enough…his wife and children could never truly do anything that pleased him. It often made me wonder why on earth this man even got married in the first place. His fits of anger were terrifying…even more so because many times he would have a smile on his face. He lied to gain approval from others. He told stories that weren’t true. He embellished true stories, in an effort to somehow make himself seem more important that he really was. When his son received the Lord, he emotionally disowned him. His son was 45 years old before he ever hugged him…and then only because they were seated next to each other at a Father’s Day service at church. That was about the last time this man entered a church building.
The fourth man is strong and gentle. He is kind and generous. He can be intimidating because he’s so tall. His piercing eyes are at the same time full of love and expectation. He is a man of few words, but when he does speak, it is always worth listening to. He too welcomed children into his life that were not his own. The child who was his was lost at a very young age and I do not think he quite recovered. This man is very wise and knows so much about safety, boating, the weather, and he can build just about anything and everything…which you can see in the home he built for his retirement. He loved the Lord but felt that he couldn’t truly receive the Lord as His Savior (even though he always believed) until he stopped drinking beer. That broke my heart to hear this, but I’m so grateful he did!
The fifth man is complex and simple at the same time. He is so smart and knows the answer to just about any question thrown his way. He loves cars and loves to drive. In fact, I think if you were lost anywhere in the United States and called him for directions, he would be able to get you where you needed to go! He would do anything for his family. His job of over 30 years was one where he put himself in harms way everyday to make sure that people were safe. He is kind and beyond gracious to his wife and children. Sometimes his kindness has been seen as weakness by others, but I know that it is a gift the Lord has given to him. He loves the Lord with all of his heart and soul. There is a calmness about him, and a sense of trust that everyone can tell when they are around him. He hardly ever does anything just for himself, because quite honestly, I don’t know if he truly believes that he deserves good things. His upbringing and losing a child of his own may have some connection to that, but oh how I wish that someday he would know how truly incredible he is to his family and friends.
The sixth man is someone whom I have come to admire more and more everyday. I’ve known him for more than half of my life and I wouldn’t know what to do without him. He gives everyone the benefit of the doubt (a little too often if you ask me) and his gut instinct is to trust everyone. He is honest and doesn’t lie to anyone. His wife and children and of the utmost importance to him and he does all he can to provide well for them. His extended family is very important to him too, and I’m pretty sure they all know it! From his life today, you wouldn’t necessarily know that he came from a broken family. By God’s grace, he never got mixed up into trouble while growing up. He is the definition of a strong, kind, gracious, and merciful husband and father. He is funny and loving. Sometimes he lacks that all important “filter” but usually comes out smelling like a rose…and those moments have honestly been a source of amusement for his family. This man wants to life the best life he can. This man wants to honor the Lord in all he does.
Whew…that was a bit of an emotional roller-coaster for me there. I’m sure that there are qualities in each of these men that I described that you can identify with. Maybe someone who is not in your life anymore, or someone who still is.
The best news I have for you ~ whether you have a difficult father or a kind father ~ is that there is the ultimate Father who loves you no matter what! Our Father God is the one from whom we can receive unconditional love, immense grace, undeserved mercy, and everlasting life. The sacrifice He made, in the death of His Son Jesus Christ, was not the end of the story. The resurrection of Jesus made it possible for us to find out way back to our amazing Father in heaven. Jesus filled that gap. There is no one else who can do that for you.
So who are all these father’s I wrote about today…I won’t hold you in suspense any longer…
The first man ~ he is my husband’s birth father. He was never there to show my husband what it meant to be a good father. The facts of his addictions and abuses were shared with my husband by his mom, and through seeing her heartache, my husband determined himself at a very young age that he would not grow up like that. I also strongly believe in the power of prayer and know that my husband was spared many temptations because of prayer. One of the people that prayed for him, just about every day since I was born, was my parents. He has been sober for a very long time and has wonderful second family. They do not know him as my husband knew him, so it’s difficult for them to understand. However I’m so grateful that he was given a second chance. What I pray for this man, is that someday he can truly rest in the power of God’s grace and forgiveness.
The second man ~ he is the man my husband calls “Dad.” He came into my husband’s life when he was a teenager. This man loves my husband as his own son. He was strict and loving at a time when I know my husband needed it. He is the one who showed my husband what it meant to be a kind and loving father. We are blessed that he is still here on this earth to share his life, hear his stories, and learn from him how to love & serve the Lord with all your heart.
The third man ~ he is my father’s father. He was a hard man on all levels. To see what kind of person he was, and see what kind of man my father is, it is amazing to me that they are related. Sadly, at least as much as I know, he did not believe in God. He thought that he was “too good for all the Christian stuff.” He believed that following Jesus was for the weak. He fooled some, but to those who knew him, we didn’t buy it. When he passed away, my heart ached because he was now truly lost.
The fourth man ~ he is my mother’s step-father. He always seemed unapproachable, but I always knew that he loved me. It wasn’t until I had children of my own that I literally saw the emotional walls come down. The walls he had so carefully built to protect his heart. Seeing him hold my daughter’s when they were infants, that man just melted. I think the final bricks came down when one of my girls, at the age of 2 (and without warning) grabbed a book and jumped into his lap and said, “Papa, I want you to read me this book.” He looked over at me with tears in his eyes (which made me cry then, and is making me cry now) and began reading. This went on for years every time we visited my grandparents. It is such a comfort to know that I will see him again someday in heaven.
The fifth man ~ he is my father. Again, I believe the power of prayer was at work because I know my mother’s mother prayed for him. Not by name, but the Lord knew who my mother would marry. I have learned so much from my father. He has a heart of true forgiveness towards his father, which is miraculous to me. He could have turned out just like his father, but he chose to follow God the Father instead. I’m eternally grateful for that choice, and I am so blessed to have had a father who I knew then, and know now, loves me unconditionally. I know he will always be there for me and my family.
The sixth man ~ this man…he is my favorite…he is my husband. Just as my parents prayed for me to marry a godly man, I know they still pray for him all the time. My husband has taught me so much about being kind and having patience. I don’t always listen, but I’m getting better. I am humbled by his daily commitment to me and our daughters; and how he strives to follow the Lord and honor Him in all the decisions he makes in his personal and professional life. I am blessed too with how he has shown love and support for our three girls. They have all seen in him what to look for in their own future husband someday. They know what it means to be taken care of, prayed for, and loved unconditionally. And they know he isn’t perfect and makes mistakes, but they know they can always trust him. I love that my husband still tries to woo me everyday…those moments make me so incredibly cherished. My husband believes in me. My husband has never lied or cheated on me. I do not hold those truths lightly.
I know that this post has gone very long, and if you are still reading ~ Thank you! My prayer for you is that if you have been hurt by your earthly father, that you are able to ask the Lord to help you forgive so that you can move forward. You don’t have to go physically to that man to tell him you forgive him, the Lord can stand in that gap for you. And as difficult as it may be, turn to your Heavenly Father and allow Him to heal those hurts and fill those voids that are in your heart and soul.
He is the only one who can do that.
He is trustworthy.
He is kind.
He is gracious and merciful.
He calls you by name.
You are His child and He is your Father.
Blessings,
René
{to listen to “Good Good Father”…check it out here… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djrY_eFDOwE }
Broken & Blessed~Adventures in Gratutide! 