Photo by 童 彤 on Unsplash
This is a crazy season and I’ve been thinking a lot about what our lives look like during this covid-19 pandemic. I’ve gone through so many emotions in the past two weeks, and I bet you have too! So I wanted to share my heart with you today and be vulnerable with you.
What it has shown me, more than I want to admit, is that I have decisions to make every single day, whether in quarantine or not, to fix my eyes on Jesus and fill in the hollow places of my mind and my heart with Him.
However, too many are filling in the blank with fear.
Two weeks ago, I was doing just that.
I was allowing myself to be consumed with the news. It was on all. day. long! It was like a bad accident that I couldn’t look away from. I wanted to. But I chose the opposite. After about 5 days, waking up feeling miserable and fearful, I cried out to God in the shower and asked Him what I needed to do. I knew what the answer would be but I had to CHOOSE it!
The Holy Spirit was so kind and whispered to my heart, “Look up! Look to the Father! Turn off the news.”
There was no condemnation in His voice. Simply love and encouragement.
So I did ~ I turned off the news and each time I would begin to feel fearful, I would give it to the Lord. I decided that anytime fear was tempting me to walk down the path of lies, I would pray.
I would love to tell you that life immediately got easier on all levels, and it did but not in the way I expected.
As I began to embrace the quiet, embrace the rest, and settle into the slower pace of life, it allowed the Lord the opportunity to speak louder to me about how He wants me to come out of this ‘safe at home’ season a new version of who He has created me to be.
And as wonderful as that sounds, it kinda freaks me out! The process of change is not fun. Whether you are seeking it or it is seeking you ~ change is hard.
I was recently on a zoom bible study group (as many of us are in this covid-19 season) and my friend that was sharing, said that God was bringing her “to the end of herself.”
All of the things that God was peeling away was drawing her closer to Him, but it was not necessarily an enjoyable experience.
A lightbulb went off in my head ~ these were the words that finally made sense to me as to what I was going through for the latter parts of March 2020.
The Lord was bringing me to the end of myself.
And here we are.
I have not done the things I could. I have not done the things I thought I would do “once I had the time” to do them. I have not read the books in the stacks around my house. I have not spent dubious amounts of time reading the Bible.
But I know that I am coming to the end of myself so that God can fill that void of my self with His power and wisdom.
It will not happen all at once, but I know when we are allowed to roam free in our neighborhoods, gather in our churches, have coffee in cute little shops around town, and hug everyone that walks across our path, I know that I will be a different person.
So with all of these revelations, what will I be choosing to “fill in the blank” with, in the coming days and weeks?
• Study of God’s Word
• Virtual coffee dates with friends
• Zoom meetings with our LifeGroup
• FaceTime chats with family
• So much more!
And when the temptations come to give in to fear or worry, I will remember this: the Lord has brought me to the end of myself so He can fill me with the fullness of Himself!